Composting: A How-to Guide
Disclaimer: you will only understand these jokes if you have composted. If you haven’t, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?
1. Wear multiple rings and sandals. If you like callouses and broken toenails, pay specific attention to this step.
2. Only compost during blizzards. We had a great time last Monday during the blizzard as we did not have the truck and had to lug the compost across icy, traffic-ridden, death roads. Lots of character and ego-building there due to heavy buckets, staring drivers, and heavy souls.
3. Squeeze as many people as you can into Truck #5. Try to avoid driving the truck into the Fox River…that already happened and it won’t be as funny the second time.
4. Make sure there’s an odd number of people. That way, you can have a cheering section.
5. Come hungry. Sometimes there are whole strawberries (just ask Aiden).
6. We only use frozen woodchips.
7. Always wear your Sunday best. You never get muddy, or smelly, or wet. Everything always goes perfectly.
8. If you’re trying to impress someone you’re interested in, bring them composting for a great first date. You’re bound to look super graceful dragging a 50-pound bucket full of rotting food through the snow.
9. We only have two rules: try your best, and then do your best.
10. We compost every week day (that’s Monday to Friday, folks) at 3:45 p.m. MWF at the Loading Dock (behind Phi Tau), and T-Th in the garden.
Looking forward to getting dirty with you!
Cake and AppleKale
Photo credit: SLUG